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Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Reason For Emotional Shutdown In Teenagers.

It's no longer news when you see young boys wandering on the streets for no reason. Involving themselves in what's actually against their wish. It's not in their best opinion or decision to have resulted into disastrous acts but like I will always say; something led to another thing.

Let me see your hands up if this thought(s) hasn't raced through your mind before. Absconding, suicide, stealing, punishing your parents, wishing you were never born, or to have been into another family, fighting for no reason and so on. Either of these must have pierced you before.
The reason isn't far fetched. Just roll with me.

Nigeria experienced somewhat that looks like a "free and fair" election in 2015. It was called free and fair because a president decided to concede and accept defeat without asking for any court's process or trial. That day, history was made. Fast forward to a year since the new regime and administration took over, it almost seem like for the whole number of years I've spent in Nigeria; I have never heard of my home country spoken ill of. You walk through one corner, you hear different types of negative comments here and there. Everyone suddenly became a president and governor who have solutions to the country's problems. They made it look so bad like the government just came to sell guguru through out this 4 years. Obviously, there have been good efforts put into place(s). It's just take a strong CRITIC not to realize it.

CRITICISMhave so much been a ball played by everyone's foot and even a tough cow meat that seems to be chewed for long in their mouth. They say if you apply this particular country's method, it will work here. This particular country have started using this method and their economy is booming. But they fail to realize that same country has produced how many "good" presidents so far?

This brings me to our Parents. You see many teenagers just shut down and look so unhappy. They just don't want to have friends and mingle not because their parents have warned them to stay clear off bad friends but because of the way their parents have passed the message. You see some other teenagers go the extra mile by stealing so they can wear what their friends are also wearing. The reason for all these is CRITICISM.

CRITICISM is the act of criticizing; a critical judgement passed or expressed. A criticical observation or detailed examination and review.
It could also mean; the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding.

What causes emotional shutdown in teenagers? It's nothing other than CRITICISM. You hear parents telling their child(ren) "do you see how that girl came first? Why can't you also?" And if you check out, you see that particular child may have come second in class. But because of the unanimous attention and numerous light flashes designated on the child who came first position they begin to make their own child look like that position was worse. They neglect them till they see a change. No parent doesn't want his or her child(ren) not to be successful but there are certain careful measures and channels you can pass your message to them.

I attended a boarding school in my first 3 years of secondary life. And in a class of over 90 students close to 100, you can imagine what the struggle for good grade looks like. First 10 was always my position but on this fateful academic term, I came 56th. Woah! That was a bang on me. "What could possibly have gone wrong?" That question kept on raging wars in me. I check and cross checked again for the name written on the result held firmly in my hands if it wasn't a mistake. But it was all mine. The joy to even head back to the hostel and carry my bags to the park was just like a burden on me. I dragged my feet with style and head faced won all in deep thoughts. What to say to my parents was even not coming forth. I played safely that day by hiding myself away from my friends. I got home eventually and after the greetings, my dad's hands were stretched out waiting for my brown envelope. I gave him and after going through, he looked at me and was silent. Through out that week, I was obviously calm. Trying not to make errors at all. But the following week, they started reminding me of how I failed woefully. In everything I did, it just wasn't right. Then they began COMPARISON. They began to compare me to the child living opposite. Telling me of how she would always read with candles at night in her mother's shop. And still helping her out.

COMPARISON is another killer. When you CRITICIZE, you're expected to come up with solutions. And then you begin to COMPARE. CRITICISM has a back pack which never leaves it and it's COMPARISON. When you begin to compare your child(ren) to another, you're killing their vibes. You make them feel less in every way. The fact that she reads with candles doesn't mean she would probably have came first. It still doesn't mean if she was admitted into a class of 100 competitive students, she would have bagged first 5 position. This emotional shutdown by teenagers always come from academics. Suddenly, all encouragements is gone. And then you begin to think if your parents were your arch enemies. Some way on the bridge, you know they want the best of you. But then again, they aren't just getting connected with you at all. They even go as far as mentioning your mistakes to friends who come visiting. It's that bad.
Because you've failed JAMB or even didn't get admitted on 5 different occasions, they make a heap out of it.
Then they remind you of your age and how fast your developing to a youth.

Enough of the long talks. A solution to this disastrous stigma eluded in them is nothing other than ENCOURAGEMENTS. Your son or child washes the plate and it's still oily, doesn't mean you need to spank them. A little back rub accompanied with a well done or good job spoken, doesn't make you less a human being. I'm sure you won't be able to contain that priceless smile written all over their face(s). Your ward slipped from 3rd position in class to 7th position. You don't need to remind him/her of how the first position in class didn't have a 2 head. It just looks like all their efforts when he/she came 3rd position was just a waste. Instead of wailing and rebuking so hard, find out why that slip was so enormous. Why it happened.

You notice an unusual habit in your child(ren). You don't need to start writing them off and giving them humongous examples of lives derailed by that habit. Instead you encourage and know why it happened. There's nothing greater than helping your child(ren) grow in LOVE. We can't do without that. Even the world now, if it could give LOVE a chance to rule for a day, you can sure imagine the PEACE that would reign everywhere.

These days it's now hard to correct another parents child(ren). They see you as an enemy. They see you as teaching them their job. Marriage isn't by force if you know you aren't ready for parenting. Cos that's another thing entirely.

Just as it isn't always on intentions for parents to do the otherwise and use the searing words on us, we also as TEENAGERS should put in place good measures of characters that wouldn't warrant them giving us break down in our emotions.



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