DESIRES THE WEEKEND - EPISODE 5

I woke up to see Cherry paying full concentration on the road and yelling at those who chose to be disobedient and ignorant of the road signs. In no time, the sweats were gone. She revved one more time and turned off the ignition.

"Here we are. Home girl" she said with a good tone of excitement. I helped myself down from the car and was greeted by the gatekeeper. He was kind enough to ask about my health and also surprised to see me back home in less than twenty four hours.

I kept thanking her for choosing to spend the weekend with me. Some times the supplemented favor you need might never be said out before they come to you.

She would have to leave at night and get ready for work on Monday. But before I would let her be, I needed still answers to our last outing. Each time I ask her to regenerate the gist I would support with a wink.

"Okay fine. I know you are still hungry about the weekend. But you need to rest and not compound more and more problems for yourself". Her excuse was perfect. So she wouldn't tell me or say anything further. And if I don't remind her next, she would forget to mention it again.
In no time too, I forgot about everything and even the questions I had lined up in my head to ask her vanished too. Bringing back the past into the future could be more worse than anything. But that's just who I am. I have a meticulous nature of about seventy percent. I would say I got that trait excessively from my mum. You ever buy something, you need to state it out. You need to go somewhere, there was a time in and time out book we all signed as children. And she would monitor it. Though it didn't last for so long but while it was still effective in the mean time, we dare not to escape filling in that book. You wouldn't know when she would just come in all of a sudden unplanned and ask your whereabout. That's for my brother who sneaked out some times thinking he was clever enough to under match her intelligence. And for each time he swerved from the rule, there was a huge Price tantamount and attached to it. There was a certain time he had to pay heavily with his meal. And some times with his pocket money. We saw it all as modern day slavery and punishment never knew it was molding us for the better.
Well, now that we are grown, we can sit round the table and laugh out loud at every single disgusting incident we had.

It was time for Cherry to go. I was almost in tears. I hurried up a sorry face and emotions played their roles well at that moment. I wouldn't have to miss her much if I were also resumed to work because I know work activities would churn on us and we would only communicate at night. We sat for a while and kept talking for hours before she carried her hand bag. My clothe she was putting on and a good thing we are of the same size. Only some physical deficiencies which were obvious but as ladies, we knew how to improvise for them. That was no big deal. I escorted her to the door and her final bade ushered in an administered nurse who will attend to me till I get better.

"So you see, you aren't Alone after all" she smiled as she said and shut the door. I heard the taxi screech as I laid for the first phase of injection. I was surprised when the young girl; perhaps lady asked to help in anything I might want to do. I asked her immediately if that was included in their ethics and she couldn't give a definite answer. She said she just wanted to help around and covered up with "that's what she's trained to do." Care giving is her hobby. I sensed she wanted to dodge from hospital duties. "Thanks I will be fine dear". I said and she still didn't understand I meant she should leave. I went upstairs with little strength and might. When I came back down stairs she was still lingering around but this time, she has changed to a casual outfit. I concluded that something was amiss somewhere and I would figure out. Too many thoughts in my head and a million and one question to ask her.

First, why would you have to change your outfit in my own house? She couldn't wait till somewhere else to do that? I asked her to leave politely and assured her I will be fine but she insisted she's off from work duties and to my sensitivity I took my phone and texted the doctor.

I was lucky enough to have seen the name on her ID dangling on her chest together with her ID number. I couldn't recall the full number but I believe when I text the name, it should ring a bell in the doctor's head. It would be bad if he doesn't know all his staffs by name. I texted him saying I have seen the nurse he sent together with the name and also asked if she was off duty. He called back and then I made it not too obvious for her to understand. All questions he asked, I kept giving the yes answer and inner sound as affirmative. Then by this, I knew I was in the right hands for a while.

We were there sat across each other staring at the TV. I never gave my instinct a second chance. I kept glancing at her on occasions. There was silence in the room. I observed in one of my glances a blue black mark on her upper arm. Just a little covered by the dress she wore. Then I decided to ask just to break the silence. The deep silence in continuity just made me feel I was like in total darkness.

“But why would you change into another dress here? You should have at least waited till you get home”. She sighed and just shifted her position swiftly. She must have been lost in thoughts. Totally drained, that her answer was different from the question I asked her. When she asked for the question to be repeated, I answered by saying I just wanted to know if she’s okay and comfortable. But I didn’t stop staring at her upper arm and in no time I popped out the question like an angry detective receiving answers from a muted suspect.

“I love your tattoo. Though I can’t consider myself drawing one but when I see them I admire them on people”. She looked at me like she just heard me speak gibberish.

“Tattoo?” she asked with a scattered face.





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DESIRES THE WEEKEND - EPISODE 4

"Yes Miss Mariah. Anything I could do for you?

"Yes please" I stuttered gently.

"I just needed clarifications from you why you asked me to come to office by Monday. I am sorry I have to make you repeat your words. I am deeply sorry". I said

"It is obvious you were absent minded when I said the other time that the Regional manager will be here on Monday and he requested you come to supervise this big contract bid by three different companies. And you know we can't afford to lose a huge amount of money to cheap burgers who will not do justice as much expected".

Now I was clarified well after he said it was just for Monday and if the need be I need few days to be at work then the options are either I work from home regarding preparations of documents and minor work or I appear in the office and count my number of work during leave and have them immediately after I'm done. Of course I was thinking quite right and I settled for work at home. That is the best option and I will not deprive myself off my enjoyment. Besides, I will not choose to work in the office because I have a certain boss who takes every slight opportunity to rather have full concentration on me instead of paying full attention on what yields him pay, bonuses and salaries. My options were settled and final and thanks to God I have a very understanding boss who has always learned never to boss people around irrespective of their marriage status. Though In some very rare cases, his policy has bounced back at him and it took the intervention of a wise man still like him.
There were cases where he was regarded low and was never respected by some staffs. In no time the sack letters were prepared but this was duly after several corrections with soft and tender warnings.

I heard the sounds of plate and I knew someone was already at work in the kitchen. My best friend. I love her so much that we share everything together. From things I can't mention to the tiniest thing ever. She knew what just to do at the right time. Cracking of plates and sounds of tap running didn't stop until I dozed off right on the bed. I smiled carefully as I knew I would wake to do nothing other than eat. I trust her to have done dinner before I awake.

"Right about time"she said as I held my head due to slight headache. I guess the hangover was still having effect on me.

"Yeah. I must have slept for long. I said as I slightly tilted my head upward to look at the wall clock. "Hmm" I smiled and sighed.

Cherry had entered the kitchen and she was smiling wholeheartedly as she made set for the dining table. I could smell porridge. That is her best and favorite ever. She could eat that in the dream never minding anything. I had my first porridge when I was seven.

I remember me just coming back from school and I was so famished. My mom had prepared porridge waiting for Dad to return from his post office work. I looked into my plate and wondered if it were some kind of first class sacrifice. I eagerly asked what it was and the ingredients. My mom answered me as she kept moving from one place to another just to make sure the kitchen was well tidied. I didn't like it at first taste and ever since, I never neared it. Only for me to meet Cherry as my roommate and got stucked with her cooking porridge at most five times a week. Which means on every other day she doesn't make porridge, she would eat out. All her other food stuffs I always helped in doing justice to them.

"Meriah" she called out my name. I joined her on the dining and each time I crunched and I ate a bite, I felt pains by my forehead. It was almost like two forces colliding together in their mightiness. I took another bite and I was gone. That was all I remembered.

My sub conscious body laid on Cherry's laps while she kept screaming for help. My gatekeeper got alerted by her attempts and noises and being the mighty one, he lifted me straight though with some groans and headed to the car. Thankfully it was at night which means facing the oncoming direction, there was no traffic to have delayed us. And if there were, I know my best friend. She would take the one way and have to pay fine later if caught. She is just like that.

Another Angel was around. My Doctor.

He wasted no time as he helped in wheeling me into one of the wards. He carried out physical check up alongside first aid and told Cherry I would be fine. He said according to diagnosis that I suffered from accumulated stress and brain fatigue. Well I guess I needed the leave after all. No debate on that furthermore. She asked inquisitively if she could see me and he directed her to where I was. She was there till I gained full consciousness of my surroundings. I tried getting up but I noticed all sorts of wires were passed on me and the beep of another machine disturbing my peace made me know I was at the hospital. I smiled quietly as I saw Cherry chunking chin chin beside me. You would wonder if my life wasn't important to her but it was far important to her actually. You just can't force her to be emotional. Even when her brother died, she was as dry as a desert without a brook. Tear never dropped from her eyes at all. She just didn't see it as a big deal. Not at all. And not for any reason.

"Welcome back" she said as she threw the last chin chin in her mouth and kept crushing like she were some kind of ruminant.

The doctor came in and saw me awake. I could see his upper set of teeth out from his mouth as he smiled. He was filled with joy to see me conscious which left me wondering if I was that important to anybody. He read to me what landed me in his hospital and the only think I could deduce from what he said was that the test result showed I had taken heavy alcoholic drink which my body system was not used to. Coupled with that, it aroused my long awaited health scare and it made use of the perfect time to shoot its deadly arrows. He also warned I desist from taking alcohol or heavy substance drink at least till I'm much better. I looked at Cherry with a side eye and she almost bursted into laughter. I was somehow eager for him to finish his medical grammars and cautions so I could sleep again. I just kept nodding to everything he said including the ones that needed I voice out verbally. He got the catch that I needed to rest again.

"See you again and by then, you should have recuperated fully well" he smiled and turned his back. I did the final nodding as Cherry bursts into laughter. She respected that because the doctor wasn't out yet, so she diminished. But as soon as he shut the door, she bursts into another round of laughter.

"Did I just hear you say you are staying off from alcohol? Like seriously?" She teased. I wanted to poke her but I got withdrawn by the heavy drip on my back palm.

"What do you mean? That I can't stay away from alcohol?" I replied her back.

"Well you can but maybe with a mix of juice. With that, it tastes better and deceiving enough" she laughed again. I wouldn't have known if not for she told me how she tried different specie of alcohol brands and mixed them into the henessy bottle I had seen earlier on. She went further to say of how many cups and shots I gulped wanting for more before I was stopped. I pretended that didn't hurt. For goodness, I wasn't forced so I couldn't lash my rage on her. I used my hands to help my mouth and with that, I got extensively drunk. Why was all these now spilling out from her mouth when I was weak? I thought quickly. Why didn't she wait till I could roll out fresh waves on her and give her stern warning never to mix a drink for me. After all, I needed the answers but on the hospital bed wasn't the best time to hear everything. I never knew more actions I had committed were hanging on her tongue waiting for a command to spill out on her lips. I knew I can't do without having a glass of alcohol a day. After work hours or before bed. But miraculously each time I have alcohol before bed I would still wake up normal time and get prepared for work. I guess my mother's spirit still guides me then. I had no break in taking alcohol. Now I know where my accumulated whatever the Doctor diagnosed had been brewing from. They were just waiting for the perfect time to push themselves out while they must have been held like covalent bonds. While she was talking, I slept off again. That would be like the hundredth time I would sleep that same day.

I was awake again but this time with full energy. I saw Cherry's head bent on folded arms as she slept seated on the plastic chair. I wonder how she was comfortable with been in that position for a longer time. I guess she never stood up for anything except maybe when she went to get chin chin. That's only when I guarantee she walked and stretched her legs. The ward was silent so were other wards. I almost thought the hospital was empty and I began to freight. A hospital cannot be silent this way. Never. So I thought but I was proven wrong by the cry of a baby. That must be from the labor room. I guessed right. The doctor came in again. At first he peeped with the door opened at half way and saw I was awake.

"I have been here couple of times but I saw you were still asleep. Likewise her too".

"Thank you doctor" I said out with smiles. I almost said thanks man but that was my boy part. I can switch modes anytime depending on our rapport. He physically examined me again and concluded I've done better than the last few hours and to his amazement, I have a strong immune system to fight back. The word immune system I heard went deep into my ear drums and had a talk with my heart. "With your heavy drinking? Your immune system is still healthy to fight back health challenges?" That was grace. Honestly speaking I don't know what else to have called it if not grace. I've heard lots of health challenges for alcohol drinking women lined up enmass in her future. It wasn't actually my fault. Alcohol was never my thing and I never tasted a pint before. What led to my gross drinking habits, I can't mention now. It sure bring tears to my face each time I think about it. And my consoler is right here sleeping. Thankfully she wasn't snoring.

I noticed my friend stood up and went to ease herself. This time I was facing the wall but with my eyes closed. Just random thoughts. And by the time she was back, I had turned away from facing the wall. She sat down more relaxed and yawn with water dropping from her side eyes. She smiled at me and said "sorry dear. I am just waiting for the dawn so I can go and prepare something for you". At least I was loved and the love showered were for real. I instantly grew cold when she said that. I smiled back in return.

"If I were the MD or owner of this hospital, I would have an in built canteen or restaurant. It would have been easier". My condition had turned her into being a building consultant.

I laughed and said "now that they don't have what do you want to do? So because I am ill has made you think that should have been done".

"No. I am talking about people like us. We can't be here all day without refreshments now". I just shook my head. "After all you've swallowed yesterday, and the one you managed to crunch while beside me, you can still claim to be hungry. And unto who will the bill be upon?" She kept giving me the side eye look.

"Man shall not live by bread alone please". She retorted back at me.

I couldn't wait for dawn yet I knew I needed to be out of the place. I can't stand smelling those concentrated drugs that have some unpronounceable names. Though my nose could withstand to some extent. My mum worked as a pharmacist even though I didn't always stay in there with her. Her dream of establishing a good hospital faded off when my father was sacked from his post office work. We were left to her catering for us and me being the first born child, I needed to up my game to release her off the stress. All her savings went into paying of school fees and paying other debts and bills. It wasn't easy so to speak. Paying school fees for four children was like hell. It was gruesome and at some extent I thought I should drop out of school and give chance for my younger ones too. As God would have his way, my younger ones got scholarship to a certain level. Another Grace I call it.

In no time I was out of the hospital alas. According to the Doctor I was not to be discharged yet but due to my familiarity and popularity in the hospital, I was asked to go home and receive home treatment even when I didn't ask for it. "Finally" Cherry said. She drove home with care as I pulled the seat backwards to enable myself have rest. I asked her not to use the air conditioner. I needed to feel nature. With my seatbelt crossed over me, I slept off again




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DESIRES THE WEEKEND - EPISODE 3

I walked down slowly with the rail as support staring as I tried to gain balance. Should I shout or just join in the present action? It took me less than a mini second to decide on what to do.

Unfortunately what I planned in my head was totally different from the action I Carried out. I had initially planned that I would speak softly and exonerate my calmest attitude but the reverse was the case. I suppose it was due to the insolence and grudging noise that emanated from the sitting room. "In my own house? Under my roof?" I thought.

Before I could say jack all hell was let loose. There I saw my best friend with an unknown man from a mystery world all loved up in each other's arms smiling and drinking. Beside them was a cigarette pack halfway smoked out and a plate to put the ashes in.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" I jeered them from their oblivion which made them shrivel for a second.

"And who's this in here Cherry?" I continued still raging in at the top of my voice.
"Will you get up and export yourself out of my house? Manners didn't drive good and very smoothly into your head that you are in a lady's house? And once you are done for the night you leave". I emphasized with deep concern.

He rushed himself and buttoned his shirt but before leaving he said "just for the record, it was nice staying in here with a lady and not a woman". Those words oozed out with puff of smoke from his mouth like a hurricane. After he shut the door I turned to my friend who was with half mixed emotions saying to me why I would drive her guest away. A guest? I asked my self in my head.

"You don't call a guest a guest in another person's house without their full consent or knowledge" I retorted out . Immediately she snapped back at me and I was shocked to the core. She said "well how do you think you got into your house slept on your bed and changed into your night gown, miss?"
I brushed my already rough hair and lowered my voice as I asked her "you mean you changed me into my night gown or he did?" She affirmed it was she who transformed me after the bad hangover like never before. "It just shows you are still young and fresh in the club. You don't take more than what your belly can contain because when you do, the head and body suffers it all". Those words were confirmation and same time site of relief.

She took the rest of the cigarettes alongside the ash bowl and went up stairs. There I looked at her helplessly as she ascended.
Stomach trouble began as the worms had started fighting for their rights. "I need to eat" I thought to myself. I headed to the kitchen to find it in a mess. Even my mother had never taught me such way of keeping the kitchen unclean and messy let alone the house. It was such in a detested position I would have thought we had a party filled with guests or it was deserted because I traveled for years. Looking at the plates, I automatically became lazy and just opted for cereal. I sipped every bit of the cereal with gladness in my heart. I was doing myself a favor and also the hungry Taliban in me. I have earlier been warned by my doctor to avoid skipping meals as I was at the verge of having chronic ulcer. And ever since, "I have put on weight" were the lyrics and anthem placed swiftly on the lips of colleagues and friends.

As soon as I was done feeding myself I concluded it was time I knew the latter part of the story. The ending which never played itself; I needed to know. I went to my room and met my best friend laid on the bed helplessly in a disfigured way. She must have been knocked out so badly from the remnants of yesterday's vigil which she observed with her so called guest. I shook my head and just covered her up with the duvet and went into the shower. In less than half an hour, I was out. Applying the pomade on myself, the blaring sound of snores pumping out from my best friend, I decided immediately she's awake she would leave the house. "Could that be enough reason? How harshly that is" I smiled to myself. I have somehow tolerated her snores even while we were roommates in school. Most times it would be so loud I would sleep with an earpiece on. And some other times she is quiet.

This occurs when we either have a test or exams. It was a two way thing which means she not snoring I could read and assimilate well. But whenever I choose to sleep, she activates into snoring. There were several occasions I confronted her and she claimed it's whenever she is stressed or tired she does that.

Luck shone as she turned her side, it decreased and later diminished. This time I was already feeling dizzy and needed to sleep too but certainly not in the room. I would rather take the guest room or lay in one of the sofas in the living room. I remember vividly my mum would always yell whenever my siblings and I choose to sleep in the sofas. She would say "don't you know this is the living room? A place for visitors and what do you expect when visitors come visiting?". So I knew definitely sleeping in the living room was ruled out. At least if I forget anything, I can not forget the manners of my mother. I was on my way to the guest room when I heard her sluggishly saying she needed to use the toilet. I turned back and laughed and saw my dear friend's eyes closed tightly and talking. She must have been sleep talking and if I didn't do anything to stop her, she will mess up the bed. I woke her with a very huge slap on her thighs. The way she jumped from the bed and went straight to the toilet was very funny. I wished I had a camcorder to have taken her actions. I know if I didn't leave the room immediately, that would be a huge disruption for me having my own nap too because by the time she would be done from the bathroom, she would have been finally awake. She could come out from there and start another round of gists. As much as I still was inclined to the happenings the previous day, I knew that moment wasn't the best time for me because I was half way dizzy while standing. I stepped out the room and off I zoomed into the guest room.

The other day something disrupted my afternoon nap, my actions towards the person was justified and that was to my youngest sister. I had informed her I needed to sleep and she should man my room and ensure no one not even my mother disturbs me. She affirmed only for her to barge into my room saying she heard sound of shower and thought I was awake. I was not responsible for what happened next.
The same thing happened after I was not more than five minutes into my nap. But this time, it was from a higher rank. My boss. He called me and the mistake which I made was to have left my phone not on vibration or better still, powered it off. I didn’t answer the phone until after I was satisfied lashing words at him. And grudgingly i answered the phone.

Judging from my sleepy voice, he knew he needed to make things snappy. But as snappy as it was to him, it wasn’t snappy enough to me. So I feigned a dozing voice and the last word I heard was "see you on Monday." I snapped out of my drama and kept repeating "hello".

"Why would he say see you on Monday?" That statement surely needed answer.

"Didn't he knew I was on leave and just spent a week off my leave?"

"That is the reward for being a diligent and remarkable staff in the company" another voice answered me. But what was it they couldn't handle or have taken care of without me there? I thought again. I tried calling him back but I was stopped by the petty voice saying I was out of airtime. Two things to do. Send him a mail stating I was out of town or something. Just needed to give him a perfect excuse why I would be absent for every reason. Moreover, I didn't want to use the leave as an excuse as I was not in charge of administering leave of office to workers. Then the bombshell dropped in me. Yes I had the perfect plan and I was sure it would would work out.

I immediately recharge my phone thanks to the almighty offline recharge done by banks. I called him and there was no response. Then i thought of the unexplainable alternative. For no reason will he say he won't see my text message. All the while I was typing the message I felt a strong urge to just call him and know the reason why he asked to see me back to work. Finally, the voice spoke after the ring and it turned out to a female voice. His Secretary who then transferred me to his phone.




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DESIRES

THE WEEKEND - EPISODE 2



I couldn't hide the gush of smile which afterwards turned into loud burst of laughter. A loud hailing revived me back that I was actually standing before a man waiting for an answer.

"Well, just to have fun basically is what would have brought a rare beauty like us out". He asked few other questions simultaneously between my best friend and me.

Soon, we were in and we waited in eager for the main event. Couple of minutes into the whole function, there started to be a difficulty in the technicalities of the instruments used. In no time the whole anxiety in the air began to diminish and some of us had no option than to leave the event. Some stormed out angrily while others expressed their anger ferociously. In order to quench the anxiety because I knew for sure I couldn't return back home with all the practicalities displayed in my mind. To us, that was no definition of fun and we immediately came up with an idea of settling in a club. Thankfully it was on a Friday which means anything goes.

I could feel right from the entrance the energy of the people in there. Obviously the people in there were having fun like it was their last. The serene was so conducive and I concluded in my mind this was the best club I've ever attended so far. Cheekily my friend smiled as if she knew what I said to myself. I wondered why it had been men attending to us all the while. Here before us taking down our orders was a cute fair in complexion dude dressed in a very neatly ironed shirt with a well gatored trouser to match. His hair made him look like he was from the Arab states. Let me not mention about his smiles. It looked imported. My friend had ordered and it was my turn to. I ordered a Chapman as starter and in few minutes, I ordered for intensive alcoholic drink. The name I can't remember now. I remember I danced and grooved to every song played out of the exhibited loud speakers by the DJ. I sang along without missing any lyrics to the popular songs played. Almost like ninety percent of the songs played I knew them off heart. As I sang to a very danceable song, I was politely requested by another guy to accompany him to the dance floor. "Oh! Lord" I said out loudly to myself. I looked round in three sixty degrees and didn't see my friend anymore. The next I would turn to see, she was in full position taking charge of the dance floor with some guys. I laughed and didn't want to be deterred so I danced till I was out of energy. That was the last thing I remembered.

I was brought back to life by the rev engine of a neighbor. I hit my head slightly and I stared at the messy bottle again. "Whoa!" I said. "Could it be me who then ordered for this drink? Drank till I was unconscious and drove myself home?" I thought with a heavy heart as I stood up from the floor. Nose diving into the bottle slowly, I smelt the drink and immediately I knew it was mixed.

Another “Whoa” slipped out of my mouth. I went into the bathroom and poured the remaining contents into the bath tub. There and then I was satisfied and I started figuring out what to do. I went downstairs to the living room and I got the shock of my life.




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DESIRES

THE WEEKEND - EPISODE 1



I woke up obviously tired with pans and tonnes of headache. And it all looked like I was been nailed on as I still didn't get full control of myself as a human. Resonances about the previous day has failed completely. I sluggishly pulled the duvet over from me and sat upright looking into thin air like I was induced by some kind of persons. I was there for minutes before scratching my head and there I broke my fixed nails.

"Oh! Gosh" I shouted and stared at the broken nails lying helplessly on the bed. Then I pushed myself away from the bed and right before me was a half clean mirror which gladly portrayed the person whom I was at the moment. Peeking at my scattered hair and plunged face I realized I had just recovered from my state of thundered drunkenness. I sniffed my nose and pushed with my index finger but that was none of my business at the moment so I thought. It wasn't the first time I would be drunk but this was actually the first time I would be excessively drunk beyond corrections and measures.

In a Sheepish way, I sluggered away from the mirror not because I needed to do anything important but I hated the fact that it had to remind me of whom I was actually. Closed minded as I was and heeded to nothing I was been told. The freedom I have always wanted is here and I got it beyond more than I thought I would need it. It smiled at me and said "Yes Meriah, you have been accolade with your utmost dream of freedom. Here is your chance to prove to the world who you are and to what extent you can make things happen". As I walked away to nowhere in particular, I was just roaming about the room with no specific intention of actions to carry out. I noticed a bottle of half placed under the bed with few contents still in it. I moved closer to it so as to get a closer picture of the strange object. And there it was. A bottle of Henessy. "But I don't drink henessy" I said loudly to myself. So how the hell did it get itself into my room? It was there and then it dawned on me I was at a party the day before on sighting my shoe.

It happened so suddenly. I was dressed in a full fucial pink transparent dress. This dress I ordered which I got a wrong item at first and returned before actually getting what I really ordered. Few hours before the event, it was though as if it would be my last. Anyways that's how I lived my life. I lived it without conscience and posterity. I needed no one to tell me what is wrong and what's not wrong.

"I must dress to kill today. After all I am here to mingle and do a little show of the natural." Those were the exact words I said to myself after applying the last touch of make up on my face.

My friends and colleagues have always admired my face being the round one that fits for a good bespoke of specs. Not to mention about my smokey eyes, I have had a guy who just staring at my eyes as he spoke and for every second he spoke, he always complimented them. I closed my purse which had only my gadgets and earpiece with some light make up kits for emergencies. I looked around the room and smiled at myself satisfactorily. "Gbam" the door closed behind me and I could hear the sounds of my stilettos and I was well pleased. Six inches stilettos aren't my thing always but I needed a higher grade of confidence to boost my alter ego.

Stepping out of the compound I removed my shoe and wore my flip flipflop which is the tradition for us women, I heard a bang on my passenger's side window. I wouldn't have noticed any one was there due to my enormous concentration by replacing my new shoe to a lower form. I peeped from my side eye and saw my old time friend same as my bestie who we had planned to go out together. I thought she had changed her mind when I didn’t hear anything from her again as I called only to hear the regular voice in from the other end. I wasn’t in total astonishment to see her but what got me scared was the way she acted like a stranger. I wound down the window and unlocked the door. The simultaneous sound made from the door she shut also resonated with my final loose of strand of my shoe. She immediately said her battery was flat and was just hoping I wouldn't have gone before she arrived here as planned. We drove amidst my fuel gauge giving a yellow sign before the red sign. On countless times I ignored the alert and kept assuming the gas would serve us before we get to a fuelling station. I decelerated on sighting the first gas station but the queue in there would make us just lay our bed there and forget we were headed to an event. I kept on saying silent prayers alongside my best friend as we gisted. The last time I said a prayer, I can't recollect at all. Alas we got to a gas station with lesser queue but the hike was almost like double the previous price. We had no choice as my best friend had made enough justice to the atmosphere with her sweet talk of plans we will execute at the event. The event which was organized by our then head boy as a get together of our set back in high school. I immediately fueled with a well served number of litres and it just looked like it was an endless refueling.

Finally the sound of the pump ended and I brought out my debit card to pay. As I did my seatbelt, I spied at my friend who was watching an hilarious short clip. From the sound track, I knew I had watched it so I bothered not to interrupt her at all. In no time, we were at the venue and we were ordered by a very tall, dark guy. He was fully kitted in black apparently appeared to either be a bouncer or a well trained protocol officer. I wouldn't have seen his face due to the dark side beyond my view. I just followed his hand features and "thank you" was what I said as he nodded back in affirmative. Immediately I saw him through my mirror he had other duties to perform. He directed a huge SUV beside us. My bestie would have caused a scene because as she opened her door, it collided with the opening from the SUV too. Which made a loud sound. Thankfully, no dent whatsoever feasibly appeared and that was how we walked in to the red carpet with anxiety and gracefully cat walked till all eyes were on us. There were screams here and there as we kept seeing old faces. Some who were married and others like our single status.

Immediately, we were accosted by a very bright and charming chap who obviously was a presenter doing his job dutifully. Answering one of his questions, I remembered he said "what would require damsels like you choose to be hotter than the event itself?".



This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

The Ditch "I" - Part 2

I am very sure you are still wondering what I meant by the ditch “I”.

The word “I” is so strong. In English language, it is referred to as personal pronoun. It is used to describe the person speaking. It is also the 1st person singular and also a subject. When God speaks he always says I. he says ‘I am the light, the truth and the way..” obviously that means there isn’t any way or light except him and we can only come to God through him.

And when we often talk to people and we say I, it shows some form of responsibility. A funny scenario of a guy who impregnates a girl and when he’s been asked, he says “I am the one responsible for it”. There is no need to bargain furthermore who did it.

Here is the breakdown of the ditch to be ever careful of according to Moses in Deuteronomy chapter 8

In verse 1 he said: when we get to the land which our LORD has promised on oath to our ancestors, we should remember him always. It simply means when we have eaten and we are full; when we are out of our struggles and challenges, out of poverty, we should not forget our LORD GOD.

In verse 2 he said: we should remember that the wilderness he led us for all these while was to test us in order to be humble. The wilderness as stated earlier is our poverty and years of suffering. We should never forget nobody was born rich no matter what rich family he/she was born into.

In verse 3-4 he said: God humbled us causing us to hunger and then feeding us with manna which we and our ancestors know nothing about. Our clothes didn’t wear out and our feet didn’t swell.

He has actually been sustaining us and providing for us all the while we were nothing. The most watched word of a “poor” man when asked how tomorrow will be is “tomorrow will surely take care of itself”. At this point we are so humble on getting what we want. We don’t even mind prostrating flat to someone who we are old enough to be their father. A saying goes “if you want to know how humble a man is, check him when he is poor”. That is actually when we are most humble. We are humble when we want to get our first contract and when we are well fed, we big in to show some pride. Somehow we don’t know how the spirit of pride imbibes in us.

In verse 5-6 he said: know then in your heart as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD disciplines us. We should also observe the commands of the Lord our God.

I overheard a conversation one day and the question asked was “who is the most aggressive set of human on earth?” And someone replied saying it is the poor man. In fact, that can be true to some extent. We worry a lot on what’s forthcoming and what’s not forthcoming. We worry on what to eat and what to wear. We even cut down the size of food we eat and number of clothes we wear. That’s discipline. That’s the discipline Moses was actually referring to. We discipline ourselves a lot when we talk, who we talk to and how we talk. He says we should not forget all these disciplines when we are full and well fed. When we are satisfied shouldn’t be the time we need to begin to consider if all these disciplines and sacrifices we made back in the days are not necessary bat all. When we were actually wearing our one pair of shoes and one shirt with trouser to church and we are loyal to God, we should never forget all those.

When we read further to the end we will understand all the commandments. The moment we begin to refer to ourselves and begin to count on our might of how far we have come and how well we are, we have entered the DITCH. We need to be so careful a lot. When we begin to be hailed by people in our surroundings, and we acknowledge their praises forgetting it is GOD who brought us this far, we have entered the DITCH.

When we are full and have entered the Promised Land which God has given us, we should never forget to always give him praises for all he had taken us through. He molded us and tested us in those trying times and to some extent we have passed them. The moment we switch over in status, we should not switch over from GOD. It is more like one who is living in the slums and finally gets a miracle to live in banana islands, for sure his caliber of friend will change. That should not imply that we should start referring to the slums where we were once before as a lowly regarded place. WHEN WE FORGET WHERE WE WERE COMING FROM, GOD WILL ALWAYS REMIND US OF WHERE HE TOOK US FROM. AND WHEN GOD REMINDS US WHERE HE TOOK US FROM, THAT’S CERTAINLY GOING TO BE HARD. Taking a cue from 2Chronicles 26. King Uzziah became king at age sixteen and his fame took all over the land. He began to feel too big by trying to burn the incense by himself which was meant to be done by the priest. Despite the priests warning him, he was immediately struck with leprosy by God.

The moment you have fallen into the ditch you begin to question yourself how you rose to the top. As a matter of fact, when God promotes us, it is not permission for us to be lawless. Increase is no permission to be lawless just as you should know that you are guided by spiritual and physical laws. “GOD IS NOT AFRAID OF TAKING US TO THE TOP. HE IS CONCERNED OF WHO WE WILL BECOME WHEN WE GET TO THE TOP”.

5 quick principles we should never forget when at the top.

a).We should not forget our communion and fellowship with God.

b).No matter how high he takes us to, we should always depend on him continually.

c).We should never fail to understand why GOD took us to the top and why he wants us there. There are destinies attached to us all at the very point we were waiting on God for our breakthroughs.

d).We should always make God’s business our business. We are so consumed by our needs we forget to acknowledge God. Like the saying “more money more responsibility and problems”. Let us not be too consumed we forget to give God our own time because he took us to where we are.

e).This is the most important of all. The best is saved for the last. We should always have a heart of tenderness and correction. We should always be humble and willing to accept faults, errors and deeds. If we won’t accept the rebuke of men, then we have no choice than to accept the rebuke of God forcefully. Most of us, when we are not yet at the top, we are so arrogant we don’t even take to corrections. Like they say “money answereth all things”. How then shall we now be corrected when we are at the top?

Think about it.

PAEZOUT

The Ditch "I" - Part 1

I was on the internet yesterday and I saw a post of a very rich and classy handsome Nigerian guy. Igbo to be précised. He is the younger brother to an elder brother. By now you should know who I am I am talking about and whoever comes to your mind is who I am referring to. LOL!!! The picture showcased him, his elder brother and their mum by the pool side. And when I looked closely, I saw lots of advanced gadgets on the table. And stretching my eye, behind them was a black Mercedes bus parked amongst other exotic cars beside a very big mansion. I decided to continue reading and then I got to the comments section. I couldn’t but see how much rages were fired from people either out of enviousness or hate with lots of anger. I just wouldn’t know why. But one comment caught my eye which was “we aren’t taking any of all these to heaven. It is vanity upon vanity.” A reply to that comment said “even the phone you used to post this comment, you aren’t taking it to heaven. So enjoy your life”.

To me, that was E.O.D (end of discussion). I mean, we are all entitled to OURSELVES and whatever CHOICES we decide to make. It either for our benefits or not. And we alone will bear the consequences.

Nothing good comes so easy. And if you want to confirm, ask the gold. The gold surely has gone through lots of beatings and shaping and carvings before looking so bright and glaring at sight. When the end product is out, we stare so much we are always in awe. But we forget who carved it out. It sure didn’t carve itself and out itself into that fire and came out despite those harsh conditions it went through. Someone definitely did that.

We are definitely like the gold. We were born into this world with raw talents and skills and acquisition by our master and creator, God. Just like the parable Jesus gave in the bible, the multiple talents. Everything good must have gone through something before it’s so beautiful at sight. Everything God created is beautiful and marvelous in His sight.

While we are now on earth, we are now compelled to succeed and even without being told, with everyone and with the influence of society and community, we also desire good things by the sight of things we see. And then we pray so hard we neglect things and begin to bargain with God. Hannah needed a child and she became desperate for the child she bargained with God; if she has a child, he automatically becomes His.

We never forget to fast and pray all for our breakthrough not also leaving out our supposed “enemies” as we push more energy on them believing we are not where we ought to be because of them. Well, if you ask me it mostly because we are not living by God’s principles. We also run from pillar to post and our ears are so straight to hear God speak. We always want that and that’s the very time we become humble. Mountains upon mountains to the extent we are even recognized by those mountains. Mind you, I am not against all these. If you will follow me, you will understand what I am about to point out soon to our own understanding and knowledge.

When the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they always cried lout to God and in His infinite mercies he heard them and always spoke to them through His servant, Moses. When the Children of Israel were in the land of Egypt, the Lord remembered his covenant he had with their forefathers. To those who followed and worshipped Baal of Peshor, they were destroyed. That’s the same with us. When we are waiting and seeking God’s face, we feel it is too long and not necessary. We begin to feel that we are much wiser and better than God who instructed us to wait. Then we go for other options by worshipping smaller gods. We all want riches and wealth but in our impatience, we do all sort of uncalled things out of wrong desperation.

In Deuteronomy, from the beginning of the chapter 4, we see how Moses was instructing the children of Israel on whites ahead of them. The Promised Land which they are about to cross into and possess. He also made mention that those commandments must be taught and passed on to their children and off springs to come. I see teenagers become so rebellious that they think the wrong is the good. They’ve taken the abnormal as the norm. We are being corrected and molded by our parents. Although they might look harsh and stern to us but we have no choice than to do them because it’s of more benefits to us. This is the commandment if God to us and permit me to say that’s what some Americans are actually missing out. They’ve kicked out Christianity among themselves and so why would they know the commandment which God has asked us to keep?

If we read on to Deuteronomy 8 Moses gave some stern warnings to the children of Israel. The stern warnings is the DITCH “I”. You are wondering what that is. I will break it down to you.

The Parallel Line Between This Two

Sometimes we want to panel beat these two words for each other. We want to malign them and make them seem that they are different in every way, including their meanings.
We often refer them as brothers. Well, they might be and also may not be. But one has more prowess than the other.

Let's look at the first one.

What's LUCK?
Luck is success or failure apparently brought by chance rather
than through one's own actions. Luck is also a purposeless, unpredictable and uncontrollable force that shapes events favorably or unfavorably for an individual, group or cause.

Where as, Luck can be good or bad.
Luck can be accident or chance.
Luck applies to a sentient being.

Luck could mean many things to you depending on your area of sight. You might choose to see it as life itself. Or life being fair to you. You might want to describe luck as a no man's world. A sojourner that moves at its own will. It could be with you in less than a minute and will cause an event to look fruitful. But then when you try your hands on it again, it suddenly disappears. And the utterance "oh! How lucky I was spits out from your mouth". That's just the obvious signs.
You would have one way or the other come across a lottery shop or game. Their watchword is "luck". If you think you can be lucky enough to win this grand prize, come and play. And then they go further to say "you can try your luck. It just might come out well".

The ancient Greeks and Romans used to worship luck in the form of the goddess Fortuna. Her name even became another word for luck, ‘fortune’. In the locals here in Nigeria, I know of people who often go the extra miles to look for luck. Still citing the lottery as an example. They would do all that it costs to get it. They don't care the number of times they would roam about looking for what's not lost.
Luck can be used in different expressions. A couple who have been married and eventually get separated would reminisce about the good days. How they both worked to get each other's love and all. And eventually when they will cap their words, they say "I was only lucky to HAVE had her/him". Which means it was just for a period of time till they realized they couldn't go on or cope. Luck doesn't last forever. And if it does, it doesn't come always at a good will. Seeking luck is closely connected to superstitions.

The other half and better side of this is what I will be pointing out soon. What some of many of us call the brother.

What's BLESSING?
A blessing, according to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, is the act or words of one that blesses, or a thing conducive to happiness or welfare. In the Bible, there are several words that are usually translated as blessing or bless. The Hebrew word most often translated bless is barak, which can mean to praise, congratulate, or salute, and is even used to mean a curse. God isn't alone who does the blessing. He's the most superior who blesses, but then blessings could come from anyone. When Rebecca left her family to become Isaac's wife, her family blessed her saying "may you increase to thousands upon thousands; may your offspring possess the gates of their enemies.” [Gen 24:60]

Also we wants to all grow and in the cause of our growth, we desire our parents' blessings so much that we do everything right just for them to pronounce unto us that good will that's in the bosom of their heart. We don't do this and expects our parents blessings as luck. As a matter of fact, it doesn't sound right in your ears. When Isaac was about to die, he pronounced blessings to his son, Jacob.

Blessing is an automatic action that follows us wherever and happens to us whenever. It's not like luck that decides to stay where it wishes and who it pleases. Our creator, our Lord God has blessed us right from the creation of the earth. He pronounced to us to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. So why then would you say anyone is barren in the land? Would you bear a child and say "I was lucky to have this child?". I guess not. No matter the circumstance(s) that would have paraded the child at birth, looking at the pains you went through, having the child as luck would be the last word to spit out. Blessing is happiness. Is there anyone who is blessed and won't be happy? Or would be blessed on temporary basis? Only if you did anything to warrant such. But then, we are the apple of God's eyes.

A blessing is very different from the idea of luck. God is
Lord of the world. A blessing asks for His Divine Protection and help. Whereas luck can be good or bad, a blessing is always good. God’s care for us and the world is called Divine Providence. This concern for us is grounded in love, and is personal and real. Those who do not know God are trapped in a world that is full of fears and evil forces that they try to manipulate with magic and superstition. Christians can look on life and not be afraid, for Christ has destroyed the power of evil. If we trust in Him and follow His ways, nothing can really harm us.

Why do we say GOD BLESS YOU?
If someone sneezes or does something very good, we often hear someone say, “God bless you!” This is a phrase that asks the Lord to protect you, keep you in good health, make you holy, and fill your life with good and happiness. It is the very best thing we can want for someone. We often see everywhere on social media platforms how couples celebrate themselves in every good word of expression they can. And at the end they say "I was blessed to have him/her".

Did I bore you with this whole magnitude of grammar? Well, we just have to be sure and not just sure enough but to know what we are saying.

PEAZOUT!!!**

Give me not what I WANT, LORD

Many times, we desire so much what we want. That's obvious right? We desire because we think we actually need it or because we feel others who aren't as privileged as we got it, so we have to. But we mostly fail to desire what God actually wants for us. When we desire or rather when our desire goes way beyond, it becomes desperation and it might surprise you to see God will actually grant our heart desire.

I know you are reading that first paragraph and wondering what I'm saying. Probably you're thinking I am contradicting myself. Well, be it unto you so you receive understanding and not just understanding alone; but to act according to his word. Let's go through some process(es).

We all know Samuel very well. I'm not talking about your neighbor or friend. Samuel the anointed in the Bible. His birth and his calling. But something happened. In 1Samuel8 we could read how Samuel was old and he made his sons judges over Israel. How his sons also didn't walk in his ways and then the elders of Israel came up to him to sought for them a king. They needed a King so they can be governed and ruled. Samuel did make inquiry on behalf of them to God and the instruction he received was to heed to their cry.
If you read in the subsequent chapters, you will read of how God already had a King for them. But he was preparing him because he was a man after God's heart.

God did warn them of their own choice of king through Samuel. From 1Samuel 8:11, Samuel gave the criteria of the king they were about to have. But would they listen? I guess not. And why wouldn't they? It was because out of their desperation, anything goes. And many times we've been in their position before. Out of desperation we seek God to give us what we think is the best and yes he would give us. And when we are stucked in the middle of the road, we cry out in all of our strength to God to take control. Little did we know that we didn't seek God's opinions first when we needed or went with our own instinct and decision.
Eventually Saul was presented to them and the worst of all happened to them ever since. Before David the one after God's heart was indeed delivered to them as restoration.

In 1Samuel 13 it was about the reign of King Saul. King Saul's dynasty. And when we read further, we see how Samuel instructed him and he failed to hearken.

There are some thoughts about King Saul and Israel

1. God knew Israel will demand for a king. He knew the type they needed. Saul was actually looking for his father's donkey when one of his servant mentioned to him about a prophet who would tell them where the donkey was. God indeed knew there wasn't any way he would bring Saul over to them unless what is dear to his Father, Kish gets lost.

2. The people of Israel were influenced by the bad behavior of Samuel's sons behaviors. So they asked him to get them a king not minding who he was. If he was God's chosen or not.

When we think we want something and God actually gives us, we obviously think it's the right thing. Remember, we know we want those things but did we ask God if it pleases him? If we read the 1st chapters of Samuel, we see all that the children of Israel did. He didn't hesitate to give them what they want because they weren't patient enough. Most times we feel there's a delay on what God has promised us or it's looking bleep at the front and we think maybe you misheard his promised wrongly. But no! He knows why those obstacles are there. In all we do, we can't put God out. Permit me to link this story with America right now. I pray the citizens of America will choose for themselves one after God's heart. One who will restore Christianity back to the foundation and root. One who will be patient to listen to God and all his will.

And I also pray out of desperation, we won't ask God for what's not ours. I pray also, He won't give us what we want. But He gives us what He wants for us!

PEAZOUT