Mr Right Or Mr Right Now

Ever dated a guy you knew wasn’t going to be in the picture in a few months? There’s nothing wrong with him per se, he’s just not The One, and you know it. Maybe the timing is off or the chemistry isn’t there, but you still have a good time with him, so why not enjoy it while it lasts?

The fact is, there’s only going to be one Mr. Right (ideally), but you’ll go through a few Mr. Right Nows before you get to him. Dating around is a necessary evil for you to figure out what you’re looking for, and who you are. Mr. Right Now is just another pit stop on your way to Mr. Right.

1. When you RSVP to your college roommate’s wedding, you immediately ask Mr. Right to be your date. You don’t even mention the wedding to Mr. Right Now, because you’re pretty sure he won’t be in the picture when the summer nuptials roll around.

2. Mr. Right is excited to meet your family. Mr. Right Now acts like he didn’t hear you mention your parents would be in town for the weekend and is totally cool with rescheduling your plans.

3. Mr. Right knows that the first CD you bought with your own hard earned money was Coming back to America. He knows that your favourite online comedian is Dr Craze. Mr. Right Now has no idea you ever liked music that wasn’t played live in hole in the wall bars like the one you met him in.

4. Mr. Right loves you in spite of your addiction to the entire Real Housewives franchise and telemundos Mr. Right Now thinks you only like Atlanta, when New York is actually your favorite.

5. You learned Mr. Right Now’s favorite sexual position before you even knew his middle name. Actually, come to think of it you never know Mr. Right Now’s middle name, and you don’t even care. You can’t wait to find out everything there is to know about Mr. Right.

6. You always have some kind of activity planned when you hang out with Mr. Right Now, but with Mr. Right you are often content just hanging out at home watching Netflix and football.

7. Mr. Right talks about and makes plans for your future together. Mr. Right Now says things like “Let’s see what happens”, and “I don’t want to ruin what we have” when you hint at any kind of commitment.

8. Mr. Right Now consistently makes plans with you at the last minute. Mr. Right will make sure you’re free as far ahead of time as he can, because you’re his first choice for Saturday night hang outs, not his backup plan.

9. Mr. Right Now showers you in compliments, but they tend to all center around your appearance and how attracted he is to you. Mr. Right likes you because you’re smart, hilarious and compassionate, too.

10. Mr. Right Now is in a constant state of flux with his career, friendships, and even where he sees himself in the next 6 months. He might be the type who could pick up and move to another country at the drop of a hat. Mr. Right has goals, a plan, and he includes you in any big decisions he’s mulling over regarding his future.

11. Mr. Right Now almost has a heart attack when you mention you might want kids one day, and you have to reassure him a million times that you aren’t actually pregnant right now.
Mr. Right can have an actual conversation about whether or not he wants kids in the future, and you can both agree even if now isn’t the time, kids are something you both want (or don’t want).

12. If he’s the first guy you’ve gone on more than one date with, or the first guy you’ve slept with since ending a long term relationship, then he’s mostly likely Mr. Right Now. If you’re 100% over your past relationships and are looking for something serious, he could be Mr. Right

13. If he tells you he isn’t ready for an exclusive relationship, and he’s still seeing other girls, listen to him, because he’s telling you he’s Mr. Right Now. If he brings up the exclusively talk, and voices his desire to be with only you, he might be Mr. Right.

14. Mr Right will remember you said you really wanted to go to the Ays Stand up comedy show and surprise you with tickets. You’ll be lucky if you even get a happy birthday text from Mr. Right Now.

15. Mr. Right will brag about you to his friends and family so much that if you run into someone he knows, they’ll be like, “so this is the girl?” If you run into someone Mr. Right Now knows, it’ll be obvious they had no idea you existed.

Choose wisely!

Don't Be Confused - Know Your Wants From Your Needs

Hear me, please don't get me wrong just like I received a mail quite not long. I made it so clear in my previous post that not all rebound relationships fail. Why they don't fail is left to how well you've planned yourself. How well you know yourself. It won't fail beacuse you finally found the right person. Some relationships makes one stronger and kick you into the right one. Anyways I was able to reply the mail so well.

If you've recently broken up and your ex is already in a new relationship, what you need to do is study the situation very carefully.

Why and how did you break up?

How did you handle the post break up period?

How soon after your break up did your ex enter a new relationship?

Is the new man/woman someone your ex has been interested in or casually seeing for months or someone who seemed to have just appeared from nowhere?

Is the new relationship struggling?

Is your ex spending more time and effort staying in contact with you than nurturing the new relationship?

Can you find answers to thsoe questions genuinely? Your answers determine if you're in a rebound and most importantly, if you still care so much about the person and you could possibly work things out for the better.
If it is indeed a rebound relationship, consider buying you time to improve yourself and be better positioned to offer your ex a different improved relationship. At the end, it's not the end of a rebound relationship that will make an ex who still has feelings for you to come back to you. It's the value and attractiveness of what you offer.

But if there are all signs that your ex has indeed moved on from you and happy with the new relationship, then it's time for you to also move on. I will say again. NOT ALL RELATIONSHIPS AFTER A BREAKUP ARE REBOUND RELATIONSHIP What I'm saying is, you need to KNOW YOURSELF SO WELL AND KNOW WHAT YOU WANT BEFORE ENTERING A NEW RELATIONSHIP. YOU DON'T WANT TO INFLICT MORE PAIN ON YOURSELF DO YOU?
Don't confuse your wants with your needs.

I would have love to share a personal relationship of someone who actually was in a rebound with me. I quickly found out and made it very clear at the early stage of the relationship. I was able to quickly detec because I know what I want. My wants were not aligned with my needs and I just had to let her know quickly.

Actually I never asked her out but to her I was her boyfriend. And it dawned on me when she said I'm not even behaving like a boyfriend to her at all. I was shocked. Maybe on a very good day I would share that experience.

Be Careful And Know What You Want

A REBOUND means to bounce back through the air after hitting something hard. To recover in value, amount, or strength after a decrease or decline. When you have an unexpected adverse consequence for someone especially the person responsible for it.

A rebound based on what on relationship is going from one relationship to the next right away to avoid the pain of breakup.
Hooking up with someone shortly after being dumped or jilted by someone else so that you still feel wanted.

I could tell you that the subject on my previous post can have like three guys in the space of half a week. Thank God she listened and followed the routine I gave her then and now she's doing fine.

"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" that's a statement that's common. You do this because you want to the previous person to know you can actually do without them in many ways. You want them to know you can be fine without them. It's best for you to cry over the breakup and not be fine in months which you will get over than to cry for years whenever your mind dwindles over them. Give yourself plenty of time after a break up and even be more vigilant on the next one. You don't know how vulnerable or calm the next person is.

Do you even know that after a break up and if you ever become a victim of rebound, you're doing yourself more harm than good? This is so beacuse you will be so extra careful with the person you're with so as not to allow another break up. You didn't allow yourself to be known before falling for him which means you also don't know him. That way, you will careful with your thoughts, actions and even with your cooking. You don't want to lose him or her and by that, you will always feel insecured.

You don't know what they do with their leisure. The moment you don't see their call or message, you begin to feel they are giving other attention to someone else. To worsen it, you call and they are busy. On another call. That's when you become restless.

Take for instance, maybe the reason for your previous break up was because you were cheated upon and that's mostly the reasons for break up. The moment you see your new partner having some good time with an ordinary friend of the opposite sex, you begin to flashback to what happened in your previous break up. And by so doing, you begin to vent your anger on them. That's insecurity at the highest order.

People who go into rebound relationships don't always go into them with the intention of using someone or hurting someone else. They usually think they are helping themselves. That's why rebound is so tricky.

Most rebound relationships do not last beacuse:

The emotional stability lingered feelings like I explained above will always find itself creepy into your actions. When this happens, your relationship begin to struggle and maybe eventually end. But if you've given yourself a lot of time and you've gotten over the pain of the break up, you will be so happy to explore and enjoy yourself with your next partner.

IT'S ALSO IMPORTANT TO KNOW THAT NOT EVERY RELATIONSHIP AFTER A BREAK UP IS ALWAYS NECESSARILY A REBOUND RELATIONSHIP

An ex may have eventually moved on from you before you even entered a new relationshop. And if two people genuinely have a good connection and are open and honestt about their baggage from a just ended relationship, these new love birds can do a last.

I listed some reasons why you need time after a break up before entering a next bus.

In my next post, I will be talking more on that and how to avoid a rebound relationship.

Do This Before You Do That

Do you even think of the things you do before doing them? At what time have you made a choice without having any idea of what it will be like?

You've ever been to the car gallery or even sight a car without having an idea of its maintenance? If your answer is NO then why should you fall for anything that comes your way? If you don't know what you want, everything will seem too perfect for you. And then it will be too late to relaise that.

You're too good to be harmed. You're too blessed to be stressed. If you're not happy with yourself and surroundings, anything that comes your way will piss you off. The most importamt thing is knowing who you really are. You can't please everybody neither can you displease yourself too. People will always talk. Take jabs at you and all. Its a good thing to listen but only act on the ones that are very meaningful to you.

The best way to shut critics up is to smile all through. Let your actions be valid. Let them always see you happy irrespective of what you might be going through.
Let me quickly link this up with relationships.

I once had a friend who says YES to any guy that comes her way. She's always gushing at the beginning and finds herself to blame later on. She came to me and was very sad. I sensed it and asked her what the problem was. She narrated the history and I asked her one simple question "Do you know yourself?" She looked me straight into the eye and I asked her the same question.

She couldn't put words together as she asked what I meant by that. What are your priorities? What's your mandate? What are your goals? These are questions we can't hide from every day. Every single second that tick past the minutes into hours.

You see, if you don't know where you're going, every place will be your bus stop. Before you fall in love, what are the things you expect? What situations will you find yourself in that you can't withstand? What's your temperament? Have you achieved a lot before doing that? Or you're still achieving?
Relationship is a place where you learn. There are two things involved. It's either you graduate or you drop out. When you drop is that time you know you can't go on with that person. Relationship is where you dig all the "diggables". Don't spare any past. Don't ever assume it will be okay when the vison is so clear that it won't! Don't get too attached until you feel the same. Is there any attitude you can't tolerate? Have you made it clear to your partner?
How do you graduate? When everything seems so cool and all, the next phase is marriage. You can only graduate through prayers. Without prayers, you might not know if your partner is a "wolf in sheep cloth".

The problem with us is that we always assume. Assumptions are like hypothesis. You aren't sure and that's when the statement "if" will always come in. You think because he's a good guy doesn't mean he will be good in marriage. How often does he get angry? Have you tested his temperament? Whenever he's angry what's his next action? These are things you need to look out before you say you want to settle down. Everything that looks too good is more disastrous.
Every good thing has a bad side.

The problem with my friend was "REBOUND"
After a break up? You're meant to take a very good break and analyse what happened to the failed relationship? Why it didn't work out. And if you find answers, your next question is what should you have done to have prevented it from happening.
She was too blind to see it that way. She felt the only way she could go past the break up is to get another guy to forget her previous guy. If you do that, there are many things involved.

Come with me to the next chapter in few hours.

Chai! Some people are mean.

Even you asking this question, after getting the answer just quit cooking the indomie. Lol.

The time is NOW

You know how they say pray your way into the year? That last day of the year when you have to say what you want into the year and cast away all negative powers. Mind you, it's not everyone that gathered there is actually praying. The Happy New Year sound is what they are waiting for so they can say I was found in the church.

Some don't even press further with more prayers. You think once that prayer has been said that day, you will begin to receive answers. Remember! The kingdom of God suffereth violence and only the violence shall take it by force.

You wonder why many fall in and out of love? And still with experiences they've had, they just don't seem to get the right person. The most ignorant thing or maybe one of the most ignorant thing we do is not praying at the right time.
Don't have that conception that when you feel you're ready for relationship or marriage that's when you need to pray. Yes! You will find one but you know when you are just not too sure sometimes.

While growing up, you have this beautiful dream of living on the island or in one of the posh places ever. Being at the top of your career and all. Also a beautiful family. Those are just mere castles built in the air.
If you don't go on your knees and ask God for divine directions, directing your paths he will just be looking at you from up there.

Let me quickly say this. It isn't too late to start praying for the kind of life you want and how you want it. It's never wrong to start praying for the type of spouse you want, their character type that will suit you and even the place you want them from. All these God knows but you still need to ask or else you will just keep drinking pepsi long throat bottle.

Your prayers said through your mouth is the only Major key you have. Pray it through on your knees and see how things will work out.

What Are You Built For

You've ever being to a workshop before? Or any art gallery? Woah! You can't seem to get enough as you wish you can just cart away with those sculptures and displays. It doesn't take too long for the artiste to know what he wants and how he goes about it. That's beacuse he has the idea and trained for it. So you see why they are so beautiful.


There are two things here. Once the artiste knows the purpose for choosing that piece, then he/she can define what it's going to be used. How the image will be portrayed.
Let's now relate this to our human race and life.

When God started creation, he got to the point of creating humans just like him. And I'm so glad he did. Look beside you and see how amazing that lady is. And the cuteness on that dudes face. God moulded us so carefully that we aren't in anyway hurt. While he was doing this, he put in us so many things.

So huge and beautiful that when we discover and explode, the world wouldn't be able to contain us. An example is crude. When crude is extracted, there are so many other components in it. The gasoline, kerosene, PMS and all. When they are refined and exported, it fetches lots of cash and revenue. There's no typical difference between humans and that illustration. Just that we can talk and we control it. That's it.

Same way God control us if we allow him to. He won't come down and directs us on what to do. Rather he will use your very own self. Like I said earlier on, when he created man, there are many follow come attributes. There's no reset default for that. Its normal. I believe no matter how useless a being is, he's still useful in one way or the other. He has a purpose and plan for everyone he created and he knows us by our name. Isn't that awesome?
How many of our primary school mates can we remember by their names in full?

How do we know what we are created for? What we are built for? That mandate he gave to us?
If you check your palm, you see some lines there. Check your siblings palm and you see they might look alike but they can't be exactly the same.
Though we might have same talents but the way I will execute mine is different from others.


What is your purpose?
The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. Your sense of resolve and determination. The purpose of a spanner is different from a sledge hammer.
There's no way you know your purpose without definition. You have to define what your purpose is. How you define your purpose is not different from how you portray it.
The purpose of a teacher is to teach and impart knowledge. What's the definition?
You define that purpose by carrying out the task diligently with all forms of joy. And you leave outsiders to wonder in awe.
The most dirtiest job, do you know? What's that thing you can never do?

Let me give you an instance. We go to supermarkets a lot and even markets generally. We see this wheel barrow pushers here and there. Well that might be their purpose but they aren't defining it well. There's a case of a pusher like that in Kano. He helps customers with their heavy loads in markets to their cars. The way he dresses won't make you not want to call for his service. During his service to a woman, right at that spot, he received three calls from his customers all saying they are waiting for him to help them with their goods. Now how good is that?

Your purpose and calling is to sing. For the fact that others have successfully built mansions, ride in expensive cars through that same platform doesn't mean you too can't make it. Once you know your purpose and you can define it well.. I GUARANTEE YOU THAT THE SKY IS JUST YOUR FOUNDATION TO SUCCESS

How do you know your purpose? Go on your knees and ask God. For me, I have discovered mine a very long time. Right from child hood. But the definition and the way to go about it was misconstrued. That's a story for another day. Find your strength in your weaknesses. That the best way.

Go ahead and ask God for the real purpose why you're here selling. There's a song that says "Aye loja" life is a market. Heaven is home. When you discover your purpose don't forget that life is a stage. And you can imagine how big life is. Make use of that stage now!!!

Teenagers and DATING

I'm a fan of love birds. I mean if I ever have to date you, I'm so going to publicly display my affections. But don't you feel awkward when your hands are intertwined at just age 13, 14 and above. When I say above I'm talking about 17 and even 18.
I included 18 because that's the legal age in some countries where they refer to you as an adult.

But don't get the message wrong. You can be cool but that shouldn't be your major priority as at that age. You will have a very very long way to go. Have you a career? Mind you, your profession is totally different t from your career.
The thing with teenagers is, environment issues. We believe oh! He's so cool, cute and charming definitely he's the right one for me.
On the other hand, she sings so well, she is a chorister in church. She minister and even coordinate well. Those assumptions are so right at that moment.

They are right because your level and environment aren't well exposed. You believe there won't be nobody elsewhere to match her. You believe any cute guy other than him is just wasting his time.

This is often caused by the INFATUATION SYNDROME
Infatuation has caused many damages than what love has caused. It's through infatuation you begin to have useless commitments. Commitements by oaths and by sex. Who does that? I talked about infatuation and lust in my previous post.

Infatuation makes you have countless dreams about the person and you think they are the right person. You think it's God communicating through the dreams. My highest form of pity for you. If you don't go on your knees and ask for the meaning of such dreams, you're on your own back to back.

I give you an instance. Someone shared online how infatuation caused her to never marry till now. She had such dreams about marriage and even to the extent of having sex in the dream. Now that's a spiritual attack.

What she never had on a normal day started happening. Infatuation led her flesh to start lusting after the guy. She felt having sex with him would make him committed and stay with her. Sex as the symbol of even getting married. To cut the long story short, the guy is married and she's still there waiting on like she's not going to see a better option.

The mistakes we make as teenagers are so many. Ladies, DON'T EVER I SAY EVER, I REPEAT, DON'T YOU EVER CONCUR TO A GUY WHO SAYS SEX IS THE SYMBOL OF COMMITMENT. AND VICE VERSA

Sex is never a symbol of commitment in any way showing love. Even those that are married and were virgins till marriage, some still go outside and commit adultery.
If you've committed yourself to infatuation through sex and then you move from your location probably to the island or even abroad. There you meet another good guy. You totally forget about your infatuated love.

Sex signifies a lot. Its goes beyond the natural.

Here are little advices for parents

> Teenagers shouldn't have serious dating relationships. No 14 year old needs to have an intense boyfriend or girlfriend. What do they know? Even those that are married now and they meet during childhood always have a break for tears before reconnecting back to each other.

>Don't allow your teenager to close the bedroom door when someone of the opposite sex is over. This should be a nonnegotiable rule. Why would you even come to visit my daughter and you think the best place to discuss is her bedroom. If that's the case, I think the best place to read my papers is also in her bedroom.
I know, you might ask me. What about if the parents is not around. That's why we need to have God. I believe if we have the moral and upright bringing, nothing of such negative idea should pop up.

> Talk with your teenager. The more conversations you have, the less likely he/she will be to get into trouble. If you've always kept the door open for discussions, your child will be more likely to come to you with questions or problems.

> Don't just forbid certain activities, explain why you forbid them. Doing this will help your teenager understand that you are not merely trying to be bossy or imposing arbitrary rules.

> As a parent, it's your job to teach your teenager the importance of self-worth. Teenagers who value themselves as they are won't need to "find themselves" in other people.
When you know your Teen as you should, there's not going to be any room of mischief or doubts anywhere.

Keeping it 100

In my previous post, I highlighted what a friendship mean and also a relationship. Without friendship, you can't go anywhere. It's almost like moving a car with no gas.
Friendship goes along way in relationship. And the type of friend you choose and keep depends on you.
Depends on you and your character. Most times you find yourself with some friends that are so amazing and you ask yourself why!

It's not majorly you! It's your character and attitude towards them that made them stay and even become incredible friends.
Have you a dog? Although dogs are friendly pet animals but the way you treat them will say whether they reciprocate or not.
It's the same as humans. We humans we like to be treated the way we treat people or maybe not. Not all are the same.

Friendship is the key foundation to a relationship. A relationship could be mutual or the "dating" type. Whichever, the foundation needs to be very strong.

How do you keep it 100?
Don't go for a relationship before friendship. Let me discuss this from the aspect of dating before the mutual one.

You meet a very beautiful lady today. A gorgeous looking and luckily you met her at work. Very hardworking type and immediately you think she's a wife material 2000yds. You approach her at lunch time and finally you exchange contacts.
You can't get your eyes off her because she sits in opposite direction to you. Finally the working hours is over and you can't wait to get home. You put a call through and you discussed for more than half an hour. That's very very cool.
She exhibits some characters that obviously wants you to ask her out.

You're missing something Mr Lover. You've forgotten the friendship parts. Please don't misquote me. I'm not saying it doesn't work. It works and some has even led to marriage. That's because it was ordained. Even yet, they still became friends just that the timing will be short.

Back to that, everything happened so fast and you find yourself on one knee, face tilted up and a ring on your hand. Suddenly the shouting comes "Yes yes yes yes".
Weeks into the engagement she resigned and now you're feeling there's something wrong.
How well do you know her? How good can she name a thousand of your hobbies without missing one out? Have you had the crazy times? The Good and bad?

Every good relationship works out perfect because of the friendship. It's in this friendship you can say so many things and the party gets hurts. Yes that's because you care and want the better for them. It's in friendship you know a while lots of things because the attitudes play out naturally without being told.

Take for instance, you as a lady have a male friend. Your male friend, whenever asleep doesn't like picking calls. He hates being disturbed and all. The day he slams you on the phone, that you won't forget. That's natural.

But he's your boyfriend and you don't know this character displayed by him. When you call while he's asleep, he will want to answer your call so as to avoid offending you one way or the other. A d then his mood and tone says a lot.

Its through this friendship you know if you will love to fall into a relationship with the person you're with. Your crush.
Friendship says a lot peeps. And don't let us mistake relationship before friendship.

Friendship And Relationship - The SHIP you can't do without

I see almost everywhere love birds hanging out, hand hooked with themselves and forms of PDA and it always want me to fall in love and even get married immediately. You see, all these are good. But how do they start? That's the important question.

The mistakes many make is confusing infatuation with love and even lust. Love, lust and infatuation are three different emotions mostly mistaken through wrong misconceptions. You see a handsome young guy and you immediately say its love at first sight. Yes love at first sight is one good way of falling in love but if you aren't patient, you will have gone far before you know what's happening.



Infatuation is an intense short lived passion or admiration for someone or something. Take for instance, you see a very beautiful bag with someone and you immediately fall in love with it. But there's something stopping you from acquiring that bag almost immediately. Money. If you had money that instant you probably would have gotten it.
But then, you get home and you see that there are even other things you needed to pay attention to or you Even saw another quality bag than that.
Then your attention slowly begins to drop for the previous bag. That's infatuation. Love at first sight.
Now, imagine you had gone for the bag and after few weeks, you notices the bag wasn't as quality as it seemed. Then you begin to look for another quality bag elsewhere. That's how infatuation works.
You weren't patient enough to have checked through, examine the bag and even check for other qualities. What you saw initially was what caught your attention.

That's a practical example of how we seldom fall into the wrong arms thinking it was LOVE.



Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body. Lust can take any form as such; lust for sex, lust for expensive objects or lust for power. Lust is a psychological force producing intense wanting for an object, fulfilling the emotion.
Lust is the graduated brother of infatuation. You want to acquire and fulfill the emotion at all means. Not minding the positive or negative circumstances. Your flesh wants sex, power, wealth and other things at that moment. And the funny thing about lust is everything seems too right to believe it's wrong.
I won't be dwelling much on lust as it's another topic for a good day.

Back to the main Topic. You might ask me. What is a SHIP?
A ship is a very very large vessel that conveys a lot. It is often called a carrier. A ship is a country on its own. She's often referred to as that.



WHAT IS FRIENDSHIP?
Does this mean you have each other on Facebook? Or do you see each other every specific occasion? What does it mean to be labelled as a friend?
In order to consider someone has your friend, he or she has to believe in you. This can be tricky because we sometimes have a different idea of what friendship is. Some instantly trust someone so much and for people like this when the otherwise happens, they blame themselves.
Friendship is a type of relationship between two people who care about each other. But such a dry definition doesn't do well. A friend is the first person you want to call when you hear good news. A friend remembers that you don't like shawarma. A friend knows that whenever you're asleep, you really don't like to be disturbed. A friend will accompany you on the most boring errands and make them seem fun. In other words, friendship is wonderful. Friendship isn't easy to make as it seems. It takes a duration. In exchange, a friend can provide an immense amount of support and comfort in good and in bad times. I would have love to dig further but let's do that another day.


WHAT IS A RELATIONSHIP?
In the literal terms, relationship is a way in which two or more people are connected or the state of being connected.
Being in a relationship means being happy together, celebrating the differences and enjoying the team work.
The most important part of a relationship is friendship. These two can't go without the SHIP. A ship has many crews in it and for the cruise liner we have all manner of beings there with different attitudes. That's why you need a friendship before a relationship.
I will be discussing how to do this and how it affect love in the next series.